We weren’t going to say anything until we were pregnant and had the chance to inform family, but this thing is—you ARE a kind of family for me. You’re here with me every day as I tell my story, as I share the good and the bad, and this is a part of that. So here it is—here is this big news. It’s official: we are trying for baby number two!
the ups and downs of baby-making sex
Ha ha! Did you see what I did there? Ups and downs!? Classic Stephanie humour right there, but I digress. Let’s get to it. This was never something I intended on sharing, and thought that if details about my sex life were going to be published it would have been a result of a really bad breakup or blackmail situation in another life. Especially if you followed along our first baby’s story. But here were are, and I am the author! Both my husband and I agreed that it is part of our story and too hilarious not to share. Heck, you might be going through the same thing.
I will start by saying that baby-making sex is very different from the regular kind, but not in the way you may think. We made sure to fully enjoy our first attempt: we got dressed up (okay, mostly me) and made it the sexiest sex we’ve ever had. Success! It was great! But it turns out we used up all the sexy we had because every other time that week got even more awkward as we went along. BUT let me tell you that awkward isn’t all bad! Fun awkward is not being able to get things to work because you keep cracking jokes are having the best time of your lives and you just happen to be naked. It was so nice to get to be real with each other and just enjoy the moment with each other, especially since it’s going to be off the table for a while if this does work… (newborn + toddler makes for very little couple time).
the dreaded two week wait
There were a few times in university where I had [unwarranted] pregnancy scares when my period was a few days late, but that is nothing compared the two week wait—yup, you have to wait an entire two weeks before you can test whether you are pregnant and it feels like forever!!! For our first we left it up to chance so weren’t tracking anything and it ended up working on the first cycle. In contrast, I’m not sure how many times my emotions can handle this waiting thing!
When you’ve been not-so-patiently waiting for your period to show up, and are faced with a negative test result even two days after your missed period, it’s a punch to the gut. But not nearly as painful as it is staring at the blood in your underwear—and not just because they are ruined. Your period showing up is that much worse than other months because you were actually trying to get pregnant—actively trying. Your world is crushed. Again. And even though you didn’t think it would be such a big deal to ‘try again next month’, the tears running down your face again say otherwise.
Even before logic was able to reassure you that you can try again next month, your heart is already broken because you wanted this so much, going straight to self-deprecating and telling yourself it’s because you skipped a few days of your vitamins or because you had wine with dinner those few times while trying, or because of whatever else you can think of. You wish you could skip over those negative feelings and just move on to continuing to track your cycle instead.
Being a woman has its perks, but the emotional brain in this moment is not one of them. BUT we are stronger than we are in that moment, so we pick up the pieces and try again. And enjoy a glass of wine in between cycles, or whatever your feel-good treat may be, and enjoy the entire experience. Even if that means having a good cry before pushing through.
Cheers & fingers crossed!